90210 recap: Beware the chick who stole songs from the Mexican dude
Love is in the air, kids, and even the jaded, smog-ridden West Beverly kids aren't immune. Okay, Naomi isn't immune. Everyone else on 90210 seems to want to rip each others' heads off. And with good reason.
Perhaps you mean unreality series
The girls have been shoved into Ade's new reality pilot as part of her all-important "posse," which is clearly an uncomfortable place to be. Hell, it's uncomfortable enough watching "The Hills," who would actually want to be in that torture chamber? Not Silver and Ivy, to name few. Silver is guilt ridden about being the "other woman" and cutting up Navid on camera, while Ivy just looks like a deer in headlights every time the camera starts rolling.
Eventually the producer tells Ade that all he's seeing is a girl sitting around complaining (THANK YOU), and that won't keep a TV audience from mining their DVR for better fare. He wants drama. And in the world of reality television, if you need drama you simply make your own.
Read on for Ade's colossally stupid attempt to get attention... plus an endangered owl!
Who's Single White Femaling who?
Good one, Emily! Despite that absolutely absurd one-liner, Emily does seem to be running circles around poor, put-upon Annie. Emily has Debbie, the cast at Annie's theater and eventually Liam convinced that she only wants to fit in, no doubt re-enforced by Annie's multiple outbursts of vitriol and accusation.
When Annie finally calls her cousin's bluff, the fake tears and treacle-sweet intonations fall away and Emily lays it out: Even if Annie goes telling everyone Emily's secrets, no one will believe her. We don't know (or particularly care) about that. We're just chomping at the bit to see that "Annie's gone feral!" scene next week.
Nice hooters
Sorry, we couldn't resist.
Naomi gets some disconcerting news regarding recent ill-advised investments in Guru Sona et al: She's not getting her money back. On top of that, extremely clingy and OCD lab partner Max Miller is dogging her to do her homework (How dare he!!), until she ends up schlepping him out to Ojai to further expose the guru. When her tactics don't work, Naomi goes stumbling off into the brush to feel sorry for herself and Max spots an endangered owl. The two charge around all night trying to get a photo of the critter, which they then present to the EPA, the Guru and her lawyer, making the land protected and Naomi's transaction null and void. Yay! Pepsis for everyone!
But Naomi's success does come with one small snag: She now has a crush on card-carrying nerd Max Miller.
Navid needs a new word for "overachiever"
Sick of getting noticed for his name of ill-fame, Navid decides to give Shirazi Productions a squeaky-clean makeover. Side-kick Dixon suggests they help produce music videos and presto! Shirazi 2.0 is born. After they sneakily bring on music producer Floyd and his client Nelly -- yes, the Nelly -- the two manage to put together a decent space for pick-up shots...until trouble comes calling in a tight red dress.
Ade, in her desperation to convince her producer that she's worthy of a reality series, shows up on set and asks Navid to put her in the video. When Navid turns her down she goes straight to Nelly himself, who recognizes her for the plagiarizing scamp she is and then storms off to his trailer. Navid lays into Ade for showing up on the set and she accuses him of cheating. Navid admits he was knowingly unfaithful. Unfortunately the confession was unknowingly caught on camera.
After Navid and Dixon get chewed out by Floyd, they manage to make a comeback with the talent by providing his favorite snack: candy corn. Apparently all it takes to make Nelly happy is some Halloween candy. Good to know.
It's amazing what a killer serve can do
Teddy is getting some verbal abuse in class after his arrival with Ian last week, and is conspicuously absent for the next few days. Seeing a friend in need, Silver goes to comfort him by taking him up to the roof for some serving practice. Teddy is coming around when he accidentally beans someone below. When he apologizes to the victim -- a hot soccer player -- he utters a slip of the tongue about his sexuality. But the soccer player understands, so much so that he gives Teddy his number. Joy, an ending worthy of Valentine's Day!
What did you guys think? Will Annie's friends believe that Emily is a snake or will this be season two all over again? Will Shirazi 2.0 be successful? How many hip-hop artists' junk food preferences does Dixon actually know? Comments, ahoy!
Notes n' Quotes
Naomi: I'm surprised about Navid.
Ade: I know, he was always so faithful and loyal.
Naomi: No, I mean I'm surprised Navid even managed to get a side-piece.
Naomi: Okay! How about I just bury you in the legal ground, how about that, Phil??
Navid: I had a genius idea of how to restore the family name!
Dixon: Change it?
Dixon: Nelly?
Naomi: Nelly! Nelly I've heard of.
Dixon: I should hope so...
Naomi: BACK AWAY FROM THE GURU!
Naomi: It doesn't take a 2400 IQ to figure that out, does it?
Max: There's no such thing as a... never mind.
Ivy: Maybe I shouldn't be here.
Ade: No! I need a posse!
Nelly: You're the chick that stole the songs from the dead Mexican dude!
Guru Sona: I need red meat.
Naomi: I'm happy to get my money back, but I have a bigger problem. I think I have the hots for a nerd...
Final Thoughts
- No waiter would ever ask their customers if they were child pornographers or related to a child pornographer. At least not until they've paid/tipped.
- Navid's present to his mother is the most adorable gesture ever. Also, Navid's mother is Alotta Fagina from Austin Powers. Man, she will never live that one down.
- Liam, you are a moron. You could have read in the stage notes that Emily is not supposed to be sitting on your lap and writhing all over you. Plus, you shouldn't let anyone practice that, unless it's your girlfriend. But your awkward line-reading was awesome.
- We know Naomi is ditzy and self-involved, but come on, she knows what "The Matrix" is. She lives Hollywood-adjacent and it has Keanu Reeves in it.